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The Writer in Me
By Mike Gurak What do you get when you take a shy loner with zero self-esteem, move him 10 hours away from most of his family to a place with a sister and her family plus two friends, then later move him to an apartment complex where he knows nobody? I my case, you end up with a somewhat less shy guy who’s come out of his shell a lot and feels pretty good about himself. And that’s largely thanks to the former manager of the apartment complex. When I was moving into my apartment 15 years ago, the manager was going to move me into an apartment that was fairly secluded. Then this one opened up. It’s right across the hall from the meeting room and the mailboxes. She thought I might come out from time to time and see what the folks were up to in the meeting room. I did, very hesitantly at first. At first, I just sat and watched the ladies play cards. Shortly after that, I started talking some with them. Then they invited me to play with them. Some of them are still living here and I consider them my good friends. I even know almost everyone here by sight and first name. There were also two other people here who I started hanging out with. We became sort of our own trio. One day I got up the nerve and asked one of them out, but I was so afraid of rejection, I had to do it in a letter. I didn’t hear from her for a few days so I asked if she had gotten a letter. She said ‘yes’ but it wasn’t signed. Oops. When I told her I sent the letter she agreed to have supper with me. That was my first adult date, at the ripe old age of 42. Eventually we broke up, and some time later I started dating someone else here. We were together for a number of years. That relationship didn’t work out in the end either, but fast forward a few years and I met the love of my life. We got engaged in October of 2022. I had always loved writing but I considered my stories and poems to be…not very good, to say the least. At some point I shared poems and stories with someone I was seeing online. She thought they were great. That took me by surprise. I figured she would think they were nice and all but nothing spectacular. She encouraged me to continue writing. Back in 2021, I put my toe in the self-publishing waters on Amazon. I’ve since followed it up with three more books and I have another one that’s almost ready to be officially copyrighted. I’ve gotten good feedback on my books. That still surprises me somewhat. But I’m learning to see my writing through my fiancée’s eyes rather than my own. Some years ago, I decided that I had to either work on my self-esteem or resign myself to having zero self-esteem for the rest of my life. I thought it was unfair of me to date someone feeling that I was worthless and subhuman. My self-esteem is something I struggle with to this day but I’ve gotten a lot better. I have a best friend in the apartment complex too. We get together every Sunday for lunch and we hang out together on Wednesday mornings. One morning a few years ago we were waiting for the food truck on a Wednesday. I decided to start a conversation with her. We’re both shy by nature but we hit it off almost immediately. As friends, that is. I’m so much happier and more confident that I was when I moved into my apartment. And I’ll always be grateful to that manager for moving me into it. Mike Gurak has lived in Bedford for 17 years. He loves to write and has written four books. He also enjoys singing and sings in his church choir. Mike enjoys spending time with his sister and brother-in-law and their children, all of whom also live in Bedford. |